Voice Wars – a Telco trilogy (With apologies to george lucas)

As any good geek, I am a full fledged member of the Star Wars generation, and have an innate ability to relate anything to the original three movies. So I’m going to relate the telco world to them today. Of course it’s not completely parallel, so please forgive all my… um…shoehorning into the story line. πŸ™‚ At the risk of sounding cheesy… enjoy

First came “A new hope”. The empire was cracking a bit; the monopolies had been disolved and broken up into baby bells and they all seemed to be a little bit slow on new technologies. The universe was ripe for the picking. Consumers everywhere made jokes about difficult things being like “dealing with phone company”. Out of the desert planet of New Jersey came a new fighter for the light side with the name of Vonage. Telecom was going to be returned to the people and the freedom to communicate would reign. After the death star destroyed the rebel planet of Net2Phone leaving it in shambles, a new fight was born in the rebel leaders like commander pulver and admiral zenstrom. (Ok I’m taking a bit of creative license here, net2phone was not really destroyed, but it’s a cool metaphor and I couldn’t think of anyone else big enough who had troubles πŸ™‚ ). A great battle was being fought and it looked like the rebels were gaining the upper hand. After Princess Packet8 and those two funny droids “Gizmo-D2” and “C-JahJah-PO” came back out of hiding, it looked like smooth sailing.

But The Empire Struck Back, with dangerous new weapons called “E-911”, “Two Tiered Internet” and the ancient light sabre of corporations, “Litigation”. Princess Packet8 was a slave to Qwest the Hutt. The rebel forces were scrambling to maintain their positions, and the future looked a bit bleak for them. The Empire was hitting them with everything they had, even going so far as to hide the real battle behind a fake but much more visible one. While all the X-wings were defending planet Net Neutrality, the Tie Fighters were hitting individual pockets of resistance. Young jedi vonage released an IPO and got his arm chopped off. Dark days indeed for the rebel forces, and when analyzed, not really too happy for the Empire yet either.

So now we wait for the third movie. Will the Jedi return? If the rebels win will it create more problems than it solves? Will Commander Pulver win the WSOP? I know I’ll wait in line to see how the story ends…

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