I wanna do a study on whether or not water is wet…

Seriously what the fuck is with my tax dollars paying for studies to prove the blatantly obvious? Today I read in the Vancouver Province that some geniuses in some high brow center of academia did a study to find out that…wait for it… “Pop is fattening” !!!! OMFG ARE YOU SERIOUS????? YOU MEAN THE ROSEANNE BARR ALL COLA DIET FAD WAS A SHAM?????

Come on people. Did we really need a $100,000 grant spent so a bunch of pretentious nerds could sit around drinking their pop and figure out that it was making them fat??? I can go one further if you want… and I’ll give you this one for free… The rise in esophagal cancers and other esophagus malady’s doctors have noticed for the past 10 years? You hear about that? SAME CULPRIT! It’s true! There hasn’t been a study done yet, but there will be. The University of Academic Money Wasters in ShitShoe Manitoba (it’s about 300 miles west of Winnipeg) has already requested the budget for the study. Of course they’ll be mad now that I just stole there thunder…all 600 people who read my blog now know.

Over the past 50 years the intake in north america of coke and pepsi has increased exponentially. Everybody knows this. Heck…coca cola owns virtually everything except GM… Anyways, the interesting correlation that some assmonkey had to spend money on to determine is that America got super fat in the same time period. OF course the fact that pop has a ton of fattening goo in it (not just the sugar mind you) and that we drink more of it would logically lead to a fatter population seems to have gone over all their “I’m a professional student-respect me” heads.

The esophagus problems? Same thing, only it’s the acid, not the fattening goo. So here’s some free advice people: IF YOU’RE FAT AND YOU HAVE ACID REFLUX QUIT THE POP! (by the way…I know this works cuz I did it. I’m still a bit fat but the chest stopped hurting about 2 days after I quit drinking 2 liters of diet coke a day…and I didn’t need a quarter million dollar grant to figure this shit out) For 50 bux each I’ll give you another groundbreaking fact about getting off your ass and moving a bit.

By the way, that same group of intellectuals is now studying whether the rise in Television watching all has relationships to fat ass america.


1 comment so far

  1. Duane on

    Yeah, doesn’t seem like rocket science does it. Check out http://www.pubmed sometime and read some of the medical research. If you spend more than 30 minutes on it, you’ll soon realize that not only is the research pretty much useless, but everyone is doing the exact same research and pretending like it hasn’t been done before.

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