12 Rules of Low Limit
Obey, obey, you must obey
Who wants to play this game?
Obey, Rotten Sound
Ah this two posts a month thing has to stop… It’s just that there hasn’t been much to blog about. Sure, some triflings, minor events such as a little vote we had here or a similar but obviously less exciting and important one to the south of us. There’s a little bit of concern about the markets, but isn’t there always? And of course, nothing shows Vancouver’s cultural offerings like a whiney french canadian chick. But none of these things are really newsworthy.
So after much pondering I’ve decided it’s time for another poker post. I’ve been thinking of late about some hard and fast rules in low limit poker. These are like laws of nature, completely accurate and inflexible, as with most poker things. Some are kind of half in jest, some are dead serious, but all have truth to them. So without further ado, Twitchy’s Poker Rules.
- AQ is a useless beeyotch of a hand. Unless u flop QQ with it, you have no idea where u stand and you’re just hoping that no one has two pair or big slick. You either control the betting from the flop and semi bluff it, or you need to be prepared to drop it like a hot potato. That’s AQ. Beat by both AK and J10. Which brings us to (the closely related) rule number two.
- If you have AQ or AJ, raised preflop and were called and flop two pairs, you WILL lose to a set of 4s. There is no way around this, so just fold those hands preflop and save us all the trouble of making insincere sad faces for you when the donkey who calls with any pair under any raise rakes in all the chips.
- You don’t play JJ, you ride it. This is hard and fast. If you have JJ, the hand will play itself; you’ll either flop the nuts, or you won’t. If it’s questionable, you will meekly call any bets and roll the dice at the end. This is the nature of JJ, and we all just learn to live with it. It’s not a bad thing, it just is. If you miss the flop, your odds are probably better if the flop looks like k58 than if it’s 5710.
- Bad players will raise every time they’re on the button, regardless of their hands. This is both good and bad for you if you have a clue. It’s good cuz you can reraise them and they fold most every time. It’s bad because if you happen to catch a medium hand (say 99 or 1010 or AJ) on the button their skewed logic will tell them that you are raising cuz yer on the button, and will hence call with any connector or any ace and out draw you. It’s a law of nature.
- Slow playing Kings or Aces is only smart if you have the confidence to throw them away. Speaks for itself.
- If the board is any of the following and you hold top pair top kicker or an over pair, fold your hand to any bet or call: 89j 810j 7810 9q8 k9x q9x etc etc. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about low limit poker, it’s that any middle connectors are played to death. 9j, 9q, 9k, 10j, 10q…any flop that makes these hands is dangerous. Be prepared to run away. I don’t know why these marginal hands are soooo overplayed, but they are.
- The bigger the number of preflop callers before you, the smaller your cards should be to call. AK, AQ, QK and J10 in front of you probably makes your 67 the strongest hand. Obviously if bets are ‘all-in’ sized this goes out the window, cuz someone probably has the big pair.
- Beginners will reraise all in if they have a flush draw. It doesn’t matter if it’s the nut flush or 23 suited…if they have the draw they push all in. This is so easily exploitable, if you can take the swings of losing the big stack 3 out of 7 times. Make your own decisions.
- There will always be at least one person at your table who will call bottom pair right to the river if he/she has an ace attached to it. This person will make the same play with A2 if the board has an ace. Regardless of how you bet.
- 98% of the time, bluffing on the internet is about as wise as telling a prospective employer about your criminal record for fraud.
- If the flop has three of a suit and you have two of em and the nut card is missing, somebody on the table has it, and will call u to the end. They may even call all in right now. Be prepared.
- The moron that pushes all in every second hand will beat you every time, even if you are 300 light years ahead after the flop. He’ll lose to everyone else who calls him, but he will beat you every time.
So there you have it. Obey these rules and enjoy some success. It’s on the internet so it must be true.